


Map of You

by Jori (likebunnies)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebunnies/pseuds/Jori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder searches for his place with Scully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Map of You

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 1999. So you know. Things change. Map of You is the name of a font. A gorgeous font. The font is better than the story.-- Jori

[](http://s723.photobucket.com/user/like_bunnies/media/mapofyou_zpsfr0eqikx.jpg.html)

If ever there were a map of you, Scully, where would you say I  
reside?

I move my fingers across your sleeping form, and you tremble slightly  
as I reach the small of your back. Would this be it? The place I  
could call home? Or is this just my first home? Why did I start that  
habit with you? I can't remember doing it to any of the other women I  
ever knew, that subtle touch that no one notices yet it is so  
powerful. For years, it was all I had of you. It held me to you. I  
look upon it with the same fondness with which someone remembers  
their first apartment. The first place of my own.

I move just a little lower, to that area right below the small of  
your back, and I trace over imaginary bumps that have long since  
disappeared. I remember when you first had to trust me with your  
body. This is where your trust for me resides and I reside beside it.  
I couldn't trust you those first few hours we were together. They put  
us together for one simple reason. You were supposed to destroy me.  
But instead of invalidating everything I was, you actually helped to  
build me up, make me come up with a better solution for problems that  
were never to be solved. I shared so much with you so easily. I  
trusted you more quickly than I thought possible. In the world were  
we can trust no one else, we have always been able to trust each  
other.

But you should have destroyed me, for if you had then there wouldn't  
be this.

My fingers slowly move up your spine until I find that place at the  
base of your neck. Is this where I should reside? In a place of  
stolen time and stolen dreams? Because of me, they did this. This is  
where my darkness buries itself, desiring to wallow in pity for all  
that I have caused. They took away months of your life. Then they  
tried to take away that life itself only to give it back to you --  
and me -- at the last minute. But the biggest blow is what they did  
take away. Your ability to make a new life.

I rest my hand upon the back of your neck, and you sigh gently. Yes,  
look at what could have been if it were not for me. Other souls would  
have resided in your body, waiting to be born so they could dwell in  
your heart for all time. But now it is only me, and I know I am not  
enough.

Your hand rests gently on your hip, and I take it in mine, entwining  
my fingers with yours. Could I live here, wrapped in your fingers? I  
remember with vivid clarity the first time you reached to hold my  
hand. I remember your small fingers going around mine. It said so  
many things that could not be spoken. Not yet, anyway.

Or do I reside in your arms. Did I pull you to me before you ever  
thought of pulling me to you? I'm sure I did. In your eyes, it would  
have been a breach of strength if you had reached for me. Needed me.  
Wanted to hold me, to be comforted. I'm not sure why. With all that  
happened to us so quickly, why were you afraid to reach out. Or were  
you just afraid to reach out for me? Afraid it would only bring more  
pain?

My fingers go up your arm, past your shoulder and across your neck. I  
touch your lips and you smile in your sleep. I could have occupied  
this part of you so much sooner if only . . . always if only. It is  
one of my favorite places to go to, your cinnamon sweet lips. So many  
years I could only imagine. Now I know. And knowing is so much better  
than anything I could dreamed of.

You roll toward me, your body and soul bared to me now. My fingers go  
from your lips down the curve of your neck to one of my other  
favorite places to reside. I touch a gumdrop nipple and watch it  
harden even in your sleep. Can you feel me here even when you are  
dreaming? Do you ever dream of me?

Down into the valley between your breasts, my fingers continue to  
touch you and follow a path only they know. Beneath your left breast,  
upon your otherwise perfect abdomen, there is a scar. My fears and  
loneliness lie here. This, too, is my fault. And it will forever  
remind me of any day I have to spend without you. I couldn't keep you  
safe. I couldn't watch over you all the time. All I could do was hope  
for the best. And the best wasn't quite good enough this time. No,  
the best I could hope for nearly got you killed.

My fingers move down down down, to a place I've only been allowed to  
reside in just recently. A warm, safe place that I want you to share  
with no other ever again. I know I am not the first, and all I can  
hope is that I am the last. You moan slightly and shift in your  
sleep. But you don't push me away.

"Mulder . . ." you say, your voice laden with the heavy syrup of  
sweet sleep.

"Yes?" I ask, my fingers still marking out coordinates on your body.

"What are you doing?" you ask softly. You open yourself up a little  
further, allowing me even better access.

"Trying to figure out where I belong," I say, and you reach for me  
and pull me near.

"You belong right here," you say as you wrap your arms tightly around  
me, moving beside me, nudging me to come even closer. "Right here."

This is where I live now. This is a place marked only on the map of  
our hearts.

The End


End file.
